apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
