The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
