i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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