i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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