he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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