It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
