he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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