you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
