the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
