I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
