you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
