It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
