I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
