all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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