So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just pynch a tree in the face
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
