Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
