Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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