Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Holy shit dude........stairs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And then he peed in my hair
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