I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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