Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
