I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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