Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In America we eat man semen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
