So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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