I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
