Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
