ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
