just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
