I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
