Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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