Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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