I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
