how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
