i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
