So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
