Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
