therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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