What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
