Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
