the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
