She is in my trunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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