Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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