is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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