i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
