i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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