Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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