it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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