On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
