im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
