my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
