I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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