Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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