porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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