Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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